Apologies for Previous Blog
Hello readers,
First I must apologize for the prevoius blog here, which was so pathertically boring that I considered removing it altogether but the rules are, like in art, you cannot erase...even bad art! All there is to do, is to go on...I am reminded now of these great words:
While performing surgery to fuse to small children together who would grow up and live together the rest of thier lives as artificially conjoined twins. I assisted the Great Doctor Guillermo Himmler in this procedure, and when the children both failed to come through the surgery together, Doctor Himmler casually turned to me and said, "Well, you cant have all winners!"
In an effort to bring you more interesting pertinent data, More related to your own lifestyles, I reviewed the stats of my previous blogs and decided to go back to the scum pond of perverse and mundane garbage that seems to draw the crowds...hopefully we will have a winner here!
Interestingly, I found that the largest number of hits to my blog posts came during the posting of blogs posted between Jan 04 and Feb 11 of this year. A high number of hits also came for the blog posted on December 13 of last year.
During this time, a lot of discussion was going on about my decision to put down Cody, my little cocker spaniel who was engaged in producing buckets of his crap, decoratively wrapped as Christmas presents. Cody was running out of creative substanence much as I did on my last blog...
I guess the lesson to be learned here at least according to one anonymous reader is to "Stick to the shit"
Nothing like some nice warm shit to draw a crowd. Speaking of statistics, The World Health Organization has done extensive studies on the global dog population, and yet no one seems to really know even approximately how many dogs roam the planet freely, which is a concern to me since I have seen Cody fill up my small 40' x 12' patio with droppings wall to wall in less than 3 days. I pondered the question...
If Cody could fill a patio 40 x 12 in 2.5 days, and a train is leaving Philadelphia at the same time:
1. How much shit is that in pounds?
2. How much shit does that average in each day?
3. How many other dogs are doing this daily?
4. What then is the annual gross tonnage figure of canine feces being dumped on the planet?
5. What effect could this have on the Ozone layer?
Now new information has come out that totally shifts the conversation. Courtesy of Zen Dog Hawks Weird and Wacky News post #44, http://tommyhawk.suddenlaunch3.com/index.cgi?board=News&num=1105812439&action=display&start=44
I quote in part:
"SCIENTIST CREATES DIAMONDS FROM DOG POOP!It's doggone amazing! A scientist has invented a method for deriving synthetic diamonds -- from dog poop! Dr. Florence Gurnley, founder of Caninegems, Inc., says her machine can convert a few pounds of pooch poop into a diamond of perfect color and clarity. "We can create a 2-carat diamond suitable for an engagement ring that might cost $8,000 in a jewelry store -- for as little as $50," Dr. Gurnley brags. Gemologists who've examined the man-made stones confirm that even the most experienced jeweler would be unable to distinguish them from high-quality natural diamonds.
Please click the link above to read more detail on this profound new discovery!
Heres the real concern though, what happens if these dogs discover that they have the potential to totally destroy the world economy by fabricating dogshit diamonds and flooding the world markets with them?
Its really time for us to reconsider the Mans Best Friend Relationship we assume to have with these 4 leggers! I dont mean to sound xenophobic here but, it is thought provoking isnt it?
Well there's your daily load of shit...more shit on shit, from this reporter, later!
First I must apologize for the prevoius blog here, which was so pathertically boring that I considered removing it altogether but the rules are, like in art, you cannot erase...even bad art! All there is to do, is to go on...I am reminded now of these great words:
While performing surgery to fuse to small children together who would grow up and live together the rest of thier lives as artificially conjoined twins. I assisted the Great Doctor Guillermo Himmler in this procedure, and when the children both failed to come through the surgery together, Doctor Himmler casually turned to me and said, "Well, you cant have all winners!"
In an effort to bring you more interesting pertinent data, More related to your own lifestyles, I reviewed the stats of my previous blogs and decided to go back to the scum pond of perverse and mundane garbage that seems to draw the crowds...hopefully we will have a winner here!
Interestingly, I found that the largest number of hits to my blog posts came during the posting of blogs posted between Jan 04 and Feb 11 of this year. A high number of hits also came for the blog posted on December 13 of last year.
During this time, a lot of discussion was going on about my decision to put down Cody, my little cocker spaniel who was engaged in producing buckets of his crap, decoratively wrapped as Christmas presents. Cody was running out of creative substanence much as I did on my last blog...
I guess the lesson to be learned here at least according to one anonymous reader is to "Stick to the shit"
Nothing like some nice warm shit to draw a crowd. Speaking of statistics, The World Health Organization has done extensive studies on the global dog population, and yet no one seems to really know even approximately how many dogs roam the planet freely, which is a concern to me since I have seen Cody fill up my small 40' x 12' patio with droppings wall to wall in less than 3 days. I pondered the question...
If Cody could fill a patio 40 x 12 in 2.5 days, and a train is leaving Philadelphia at the same time:
1. How much shit is that in pounds?
2. How much shit does that average in each day?
3. How many other dogs are doing this daily?
4. What then is the annual gross tonnage figure of canine feces being dumped on the planet?
5. What effect could this have on the Ozone layer?
Now new information has come out that totally shifts the conversation. Courtesy of Zen Dog Hawks Weird and Wacky News post #44, http://tommyhawk.suddenlaunch3.com/index.cgi?board=News&num=1105812439&action=display&start=44
I quote in part:
"SCIENTIST CREATES DIAMONDS FROM DOG POOP!It's doggone amazing! A scientist has invented a method for deriving synthetic diamonds -- from dog poop! Dr. Florence Gurnley, founder of Caninegems, Inc., says her machine can convert a few pounds of pooch poop into a diamond of perfect color and clarity. "We can create a 2-carat diamond suitable for an engagement ring that might cost $8,000 in a jewelry store -- for as little as $50," Dr. Gurnley brags. Gemologists who've examined the man-made stones confirm that even the most experienced jeweler would be unable to distinguish them from high-quality natural diamonds.
Please click the link above to read more detail on this profound new discovery!
Heres the real concern though, what happens if these dogs discover that they have the potential to totally destroy the world economy by fabricating dogshit diamonds and flooding the world markets with them?
Its really time for us to reconsider the Mans Best Friend Relationship we assume to have with these 4 leggers! I dont mean to sound xenophobic here but, it is thought provoking isnt it?
Well there's your daily load of shit...more shit on shit, from this reporter, later!
posted by greg hormone at 2/12/2005 11:24:00 PM
4 Comments:
Well done...Doctor! I think this was a fine blog, but then again, I thought the last one was good too.
Don't start in on doing rotten things to Cody again......or Mikey Moe and I will come and take him, diamond shit and all!!
Now that is a precious picture if there ever was one. How can you NOT love a cute little dog who at least attempts to wipe his ass? I mean, it's a huge waste of paper considering that Tsunami victims over in that other part of the world would KILL for that much paper to write letters to Santa Claus on, let alone wipe their asses with! I swear, that Cody is my new hero and if I hear that you aren't being nicer to him, Sir Martin and I will bring Zen Dog Hawk and Seattle C. Hawk with us, and hold you down and let Cody have his way with you! Is that true about turning Cody Crap into diamonds? Can you take Shih-Tzu crap and turn it into diamonds too? Does the size of the poop determine the size of the diamonds, because I know this guy who lives close to the Detroit Zoo, and no, I'm not talking about the mansion where Kwame Killwhitey lives, but the Zoo that Detroit owns, but in order to keep the thugs of Detroit from stealing it, they put it in Royal Oak, where there are still thugs, but whiter ones, and this guy says that when they get a buzz on (Cripe...do they still say THAT???), they crawl over the Zoo wall, and it's a pretty tall wall, if walls come tall, and they go walking around in the zoo, so if I go with them and bring like a couple of jars of peanut butter and some bulk peanuts with us, we could sneak into the elephant cage with wheelbarrows and shovels and start collecting all the elephant dung we can carry over that wall with us, and man, that would be a hot looking diamond, wouldn't it? I would look like one of those bad-ass rappers with the gigantic alarm clocks or a wheel spinner around their necks when they get all real close up into the camera and do that gang sign shit where the fingers cross with the chest and they pimp walk away lookin' all bad and shit...please don't tell me friends that I watch BET when the BASSMENT is on, because I don't know how I could explain that...thanks...
Got it? GET IT!!!
listen you clowns...if Cody the 4 legged prick assed shit kickin monster was such a nice fellow...do you think that I would take such liberties with his life?
he is a rotten no good Deadwood ratfuck kind of fellow! He would shoot me in the back iffen he had the chance!
He is a mother-lusting Tuesday Humping no good piece of furball catfood eating ratfuck piece of junk suck motherfucking dirtball! No offense!
If you trust him, and you think he is worth keeping...Take him!
BIIIIETE mE! aSsHoLE!
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